Skip to main content

#BirthdayRant: When it’s your birthday and you can’t sleep…

Sorry to disappoint you... this is not another sensual story.
It's the morning of my birthday and things aren't quite what they were (about) 2 years ago.
1.12 am and the only messages I've gotten are from GT Bank and First Bank. Well, Twitter was nice enough to put up balloons.
Lol.
So much for being a birthday girl.
I guess all my friends are tired 'cause I didn't feel this deserted some years ago.
Too early to say yeah? 
Well...
The usual birthday programme went this way:
- The lover always called first; called to sing me a song, talk me through the early hours, pray for or with me... Basically, just be there. But as we don't have Bae in 2016, Jesus has taken the wheel. 
Oluwa gba ko so. (Lord take control).
- The main calls troop in between 6 am and 3 pm. Phone is everly ringing like a business centre in 2002. From uncles to unwanted suitors. Hopefully, they'll call us this year and 0956 will not block the call because mobile marketing.
Aside: First human birthday message just came in.
Sighs.
Moving on.
- Mummy and Daddy prayers. MFM mode activated.
Definitely need the prayers to revive everyone in the friend zone since 'friend' is now scarce. Maybe it's the economy.
- Then Jollof oh Jollof accompanied with Turkey and other delightful dishes! God bless my mother!

Gbogbo e gbogbo e (everything everything) balls down to how all of the excitement about things and days like birthdays tone down as you get older... Well, in my case. 
Awon runs girls mi L'Eko At'Abuja mo what's up (Runs girls in Lagos and Abuja don't have to go through this).
Anyhow anyhow... Happy birthday to me.
Yaga!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Ms. Producer

We had been fucking for four months. Boyfriend, girlfriends or side peeps, we did not care. We did not pry in each other’s lives and we did not take things farther. I loved him and he said he loved me. Everything was normal and uncomplicated. Then he had to leave and I became lonely. We talked every day and practically every minute but I was still lonely. I needed him there but it seemed like he was never coming back. Then I made a beautiful mistake. I had made two friends. A producer and his joint. We smoked up and cooled down. Then we took our clothes off in ecstasy and committed a sin against my lover. We made love and we climaxed. I had never climaxed. Probably because things were different with the producer. It was passionate, unlike what I had had with my lover. My lover dominated me while the producer united with me. Our mutual friend had enlightened us. He told us that we needn’t worry or care about the circumstances that held us apart. He told us to lea...
19 comments
Read more

12 years

If I remember clearly, I was about 13, 14 when you first called me. I was in JSS 3 and you were in your second year in university. You had asked my girlfriend and classmate to give you one of her friends and because she told you I had the biggest boobs, I was your choice. Idiot. LOL. Our 10-year age difference made you so appealing to me. You were mature and seemed to have a firm grip of everything in your life. When you didn’t, you would simply roll a blunt and say “man cannot kill himself”. LOL. You were so cool and hot, even though I had no picture of you. Luckily for me I had a Nokia phone back then so communication was easy. Text messages and calls were all we had back then and the fad between opposites sexes was flirting and sexting. You’re probably the reason I enjoy writing and reading literotica today. I remember how after we passed the introduction stage , you asked that we play a game called imagine where we would conjure “sexy” scenes...
5 comments
Read more

Trade by Barter

It started out as a conversation. I and my friend were discontented about our financial status. I talked about how pleasant it would be if I had ‘sufficient’ and steady income. She talked about how she could not bring herself to ask men for money. We talked about the Aristo Chics we knew that summed up enough courage to collect humongous amounts from their customers. God was listening to our conversation. He had to make a comedy out of it, so he provided me what Unilag girls would call ‘opportunity’. Later that day, I was buying yoghurt around Honours when a white jeep honked at me. I walked up to the car and saw that an old man (most likely older than my father) was the driver and only occupant of the vehicle. “Good afternoon Sir”. “Good afternoon my dear. Do you stay in this hostel?” “No Sir.” “Where do you stay?” “Moremi Sir.” I lied, “Is there any problem Sir?” “No my dear. I would just like to know you better. I want you to be my friend” I could not help but laug...
6 comments
Read more